It's a very slow process - two steps forward, one step back - but I'm inching in the right direction. - Rob Reiner

February 19, 2013

"You've Gotten So Big!"

So last night, my subconscious told me what my conscious has been telling me for some time now......I'm "fat".

Last February, I was 17 pounds lighter than I am today.  That's alot of added weight.  Last February I was motivated, and I was within 5 pounds of where I would ultimately like to be.  Today I am more than 20 pounds from that goal.

I know I have been gaining weight...obviously.  I get on the scale and it tells me.  I try on my clothes and they tell me.  But I look in the mirror and it does not tell me.  I see the same person, I don't look "that" different.  But pictures tell a different story.

This past week Jim and I were on a racecation (review coming soon).  In many of the pictures I just look at myself and think, man do I really look like that?  I have gained alot of weight.  I am not happy with how I look, but more importantly I know that the added weight is because I am not eating the right things - which is unhealthy.

I know by conventional standards I'm not "fat".  I'm at the high end of my ideal body weight range, but for an endurance athlete I am heavy.  I am already slow, and adding weight to the scenario is not going to make me faster. 

Last summer while training for my Half Ironman I realized I could pretty much eat anything I wanted.  I was training 2 to 3 hours per day and I needed calories.   And that developed into unhealthy habits that are still with me.  I have and always have had an addiction to sweets.  Training for my Half allowed me to indulge that addiction, and it just hasn't left.

Last night I had a dream.  I saw a friend I hadn't seen in a long time.  She looked at me and the first words out of her mouth were "Oh, You've Gotten So Big!".  I just replied "I know" and ran off feeling sorry for myself and wondering how someone could be so mean.  But, I knew she was right.

Yes, it was just a dream, but between pictures and the dream, it's a wake up call.  It's time to get my healthy eating back on track and drop a few pounds.

It's hard to share these things some times, but I know many of you have been there before too.

So sorry Starbucks, but we have to break up.  It's been nice knowing you. 

On a brighter note.....don't forget to enter my StrideBox Giveaway.  It ends this Sunday!


  1. I'm dealing with it as well.....realizing that all of my training does not make up for any dietary shenanigans!

    Keep up the good work....and I have every confidence you'll be back to "fighting trim" in no time! :>)

  2. I hear ya on the sweets. I thin about chocolate at least 20 times a day. It's an illness.

    You'll get a handle on it and lose the weight. I know you will. At least vacation is over and you can get back to a regular routine now.

  3. That is so tough! Last year, I wasn't weighing myself and put on 15 pounds - even though I was running a lot. I think that I just got into a treat mentality. I've gotten 10 pounds off finally. I had to try (and fail) at a lot of different things before I started losing it. The thing that finally worked for me was joining a Diet Bet game. Once I had $25 on the line - there was no way I wasn't going to lose weight. Good luck and keep your chin up.
    I love reading your blog!

  4. ahh yes. I had the same type of dream but instead of friend it was my DR and instead he said, "you've gotten so fat" kinda of like the ancient soothe sayer in kung fu panda 2.

    Anyways I get it. I think a good step is acknowledging it and knowing what you have to do different. Lot's of hugs.

  5. Having someone say that to your face is really mean. Someone did that to my middle son a few months back (the one who has depression) but it was a motivator for him. He decided that he was going to lose some weight and build muscle and he has. He's nine kilos lighter and is looking great!

  6. I hear you....I gave up the 'candy drawer' at work for lent and I have already had to have a do-over. Sigh. My real weakness (I have so many...I just love food so much!) is salty stuff. And wine. I like that too. Oh heck....I'm just going to have to work out more ;)

  7. Pictures always get me! Darn them!! But I'm sure you will be back in race shape in no time! For me it's chips that get me every time!!

  8. It is definitely a struggle. The nice thing about training like a maniac is you can mostly get away with eating more. The downside is it is sooooo hard to scale it back once the big event is over. You can do it, I have no doubt you will be back to your happy place in no time :)

  9. I think a lot of us are dealing with weight gain right now. For me, it's the winter. Its killing me!!

    It's just another challenge for us to overcome.

    Don't worry, you will be back where you want to be in no time!

  10. I completely understand. After being injured for an extended period of time, I stopped being active but kept eating. I didn't gain too much weight but I lost all muscle tone and definition that I cringe looking at photos. I use the Lose It app on my phone & a fitbit as extra motivators!

  11. It's out there now!! Some time it's the hardest just to get started and certainly putting it out on the blogosphere is a start.

    I can't say I'm addicted to Starbucks - I hate coffee - but I certainly hear you on the bad eating habits during training. I some times feel I workout just so I can keep eating whatever I want. It's a bad habit that will catch up with me one day I know.

  12. Good luck! I hear ya on the increased appetite with training and how it makes it so hard to eat healthfully when you feel like you can eat anything. I upped my miles last week and am starting to feel that way, a bit.

    I hope starting with cutting the Starbucks helps! I have a hard time with sweets too. Ugh ;)

  13. First of all I am so sorry about the Chicago fiasco. What a mess! I know I complain about this a lot but I really do hate BIG races. I'd so much rather do a little no frills race without the big name.

    Now onto the main post. I think you are the most beautiful person I have ever met! But weight is so personal. We want to be at a certain weight for ourselves and not necessarily to impress others. We want to feel strong, healthy and confident when we look in the mirror and if losing weight makes you feel better than I support that. :) I know that you are capable of doing hard things (you've proved that time & time again) so if it's worth it to you than you will dedicate yourself and make it happen!

  14. I'm right there with you on the gaining weight!! Towards the end of my training for Marshall I had already started gaining!! I gained 20lbs!! I had to get focused!!! Now I'm down 11.5lbs!! I know you can do this!!

  15. {{Hugs}} I'm right there too.

    I saw some recent pictures and that's what put me over the edge and forced me to stop ignoring how my clothes were getting tighter and tighter.

    You can do it! Is there something else at Starbucks you can learn to enjoy that's light? If it's a ritual you like...